I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
