i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
