The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
