just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
