I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize