I accidentally had phone sex last night
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
