after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
