please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
