the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
