Your dad touched me again.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
