Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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