i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
