Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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