mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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