I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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