His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
