She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
