I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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