I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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