I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you inspire me to be a worse person
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
