Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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