ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
