If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
