the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize