I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
