There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
