Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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