Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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