she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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