his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
