Moan for me like Helen Keller
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
40s are totally the cure
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize