after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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