I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
