It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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