I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
