you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
