My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
