so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
