we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i think im in europe. pls send help
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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