I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Randomize
