We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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