he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
