Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
