Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
