i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
