god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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