I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize