highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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