I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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