Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
