I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize