I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
