My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
