Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize