I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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