Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
