hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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