okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
