That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Couch. On fire.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
