yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
