My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
