You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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