Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The air taste purple.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize