im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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