Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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