last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
