I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
