it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
