haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
