I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
