there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize