It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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