god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Randomize
