I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize