When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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