i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
