U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
