He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
