so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
