I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
