Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
