if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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