i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
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