My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
