just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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