Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
