His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
