Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
