I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize