Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
