I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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