Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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