i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
