I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
