she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize