Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
