oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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