fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
