i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
