Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize