Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
